i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
