I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
