Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
