i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
