Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
