The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
