youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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