I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
