Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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