I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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