dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
