I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
