If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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