There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
3 2 1 whiskey
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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