so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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