You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
