So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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