She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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