Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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