come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
