I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
