did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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