I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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