you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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