Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
