i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
