He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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