I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
