I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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