it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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