ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
