Soap is not a condiment
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
