So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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