My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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