some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
