I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
