Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
