We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
