We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize