Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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