What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
