once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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