apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize