you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how can u be prego again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
