Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we're so committed to being not committed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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