the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
