Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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