??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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