***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
