thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize