I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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