Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
