One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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