there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
