Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
