What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
