how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
