pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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