some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As shirtless as possible
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
