No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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