12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
