I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My feet surprised me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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