I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
