Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
