FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
