would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize