Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
