I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we're making bets on your personal life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
