I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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