I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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