if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
