apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize