Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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