Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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