dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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